How people in your life affect you

What’s the effect of the people in your life on you?

I just spent a few days with innovators from every area of life, genomics to breakdancing.  My mind was stretched, my ideas churned, and my soul fed.
I feel connected, alive, and optimistic, and unafraid. ​​​How do I keep this feeling?

​​​​​​​Let’s call the qualities I’m feeling ‘inspiration.’  It’s not about just being inspired by something.  A good book or viral video can accomplish that. It’s about being, really being, an embodiment of inspiration (or, any other quality)–taking that quality and making it part of my baseline vibration; part of my core personality; part of “me.”

Can you change your core? Yes. Genes are completely modifiable, as is their expression. (The science on this is amazing but that’s another topic)

The people in your life determine which sides of yourself you express. We’re relational beings, yes. But even deeper than that is the Ayurvedic understanding of what all life coaches will tell you: You become who you spend time with.  Literally, just like ‘you are what you eat.’

If you have a friend that is obese, you are 50% more likely to be obese. The studies on social impact are similar for other diseases, but also for measures of health and success. 

The reason I felt connected, alive, and optimistic, and unafraid is because I spent three days immersed with people that embodied these very qualities. Or rather, I chose ​​​​​​​people with these qualities to immerse with.

Despite the average IQ, there were folks whose culture of connecting is through complaining (opposite inspiration)…that woman in the bathroom complaining about how cold the conference center is; the man at the tea station complaining about how long the lines are; the chic that knew everyone famous complaining about how the event used to be so much better. And on and on.

Because I was so clear on what I wanted to feel at the event, it was easy to steer clear of all that didn’t match.

At the event, I ran into 2 old friends from decades past. One matched the feeling of inspiration, but the other filled me with drama-dread.  I couldn’t believe it myself when I refused her offer to “catch up” and didn’t even give her an excuse. Yes, I literally said “no thanks” and was shaking afterwards. And then SO relieved. She’s lovely, and I’m sure there are many who enjoy her company. But, that’s all irrelevant.

Curating the people in your life is not about being judgmental or elitist or exclusionary. 

If I was able to feel the qualities I wanted to feel in life in her company, I’d choose it again. We’re always shifting, so she and I may be a better match in another time.
In fact, a lot of the people in our lives we won’t change any time soon. But, we can choose how much time we spend with them, and how much we engage.

So, it’s not about her. It’s about how I want feel right now and who best supports that.

How do you want to feel right now and who best supports that? Share with me! (I love hearing your comments.)

Choose your peops like you do your produce, Siva

8 Responses to How people in your life affect you

  1. Loved what you wrote! Completely resonated with me right now, and validated how I feel. It gave me permission to continue doing what I was doing, spending less time with those that create drama…even if it’s family. Your words provided the support I needed.

    • Aw, thanks Norma! You attracted exactly what you needed to hear to stay aligned in your words and actions for your intention for less drama. Best, Siva

  2. I resonated with the idea that we can choose how much time we spend with various people and also that different people fit our lives at different times of our lives. I have a friend I’ve known for close to 50 years and over the years our relationship has changed as we have changed. There is one big difference between us, she isn’t much of a risk taker and prefers life more in the norm. I’m wanting to rid myself of almost all of my belongings and go travel, partly out of desire and partly out of necessity. I find myself preparing for this major life shift and not including her in my thinking. In fact, I haven’t included any of my friends in planning for this as they all seem so negative about it. The only people I’ve discussed it with are people I’ve never met except online. These are people who are doing, or have done, what I’d like to do. That feels so odd to me. But maybe it’s just time for me to spend less time with my friends and then come back after I’ve done what I want to do. Does that make sense? Does it seem weird that I’m making preparations for a gap year without fully explaining it to anyone yet?

    • Nope. You are seeking the support of like-hearted people, and there is nothing wrong with that. Your loved ones will support your joy in any form that takes. But it’s totally normal to be sure on the inside before you bring that conversation outside, especially if you feel there may be resistance. Good luck to you Cristi, sounds amazing!

  3. Hello Siva,
    I think of you so often… I am well..dealing with a very sick pup, trying to support my parents emotionally, and keep joy in my life. I wanted to reach out and let you know how much I appreciate your messages – they are always so inspiring and relevant to every day life.
    I would like to start our sessions again after the holidays..for some reason, I have been fighting certain things which I know I need to do so that I can continue my growth..and I have been isolating myself a bit too much – it almost feels like a “temper tantrum” to avoid sorting all the feelings I need to feel and decisions I need to make..but, I trust myself enough to know that all will be as it should be.

    All my best,

    • We all have our internal resistance to changing old patterns Maria. I deal with the same. Be gentle with yourself. Set your intention and you’ll show up for it. Love to you and your pup, Siva

  4. Blessings Siva!

    I loved this (and all your other blog entries). So, to answer your question, right now… having read your blog entry… my cup is full. You sharing your perspective and receiving your thoughts and words filled my cup. Thank You.

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